Tuesday, October 1, 2013

I never; I remember

I never got to hear you cry.
I never got to see your eyes.
Was it soft and sweet like you?
Were they green or were they blue?
I never got to change your clothes.
Dry your eyes or wipe your nose.
I dreamt of dressing you in gold and black
Would you have daddy's nose, cute and fat?
I never got to watch you play.
or take you to your cousin's to stay.
Would you like soccer, baseball or swimming?
I'm sure you would fight over who would be winning.
I will never teach you wrong from right.
I'll never get to break up a fight.
I picture you as an innocent child,
but guessing you would have been silly and wild.
I'll never be able to be the one
to one day show you all of the great things you've done.
No memories of first dates or your senior prom.
What memories I have to never be gone.
I DO remember the trip where you were conceived.
The day we found out, I just couldn't believe.
The excitement rushed over as I sat in the sun
We just could not wait to tell everyone.
I remember your kicks and how much you moved,
And the day we found out we would be buying all blue.
An important decision-your name we would ponder,
Finally we agreed, you'd be our sweet Connor.
I remember the clothes and the blankets galore.
Excited to buy diapers and wipes from the store.
Your clothes lined your closet, organized straight.
Your birth day was coming, we could hardly wait.
I remember the night--time for the big show.
The doctor, the nurses--we were ready to go.
My first go at labor, how bad would it be?
I didn't care, for it was you we all wanted to see.
I remember the moment when I first saw your face.
I wanted to hold you, but the doctor made us wait.
You were big and beautiful, with peach fuzz hair.
After awhile, I began to get scared.
I remember the doctor was working on you.
This couldn't be good, they called a code blue.
My mom and my husband, we sat and we prayed.
Don't leave me sweet Connor, I need you to stay.
I remember the funeral, the flowers, the cards.
Saying goodbye was just downright hard.
To heaven you went to spend eternity.
Everyday I wish you were still here with me.