December 3rd with Rudy

Little dare devil, that Rudy!!!

Property, jammies, Rudy (Dec 1st and 2nd)

 A lot of work as been happening out on our property!!! Brad Sparks did an amazing job tearing down the old structure and hauling it all away. Sunday, Justin and Jeremy took down all of the hideous pine trees that lined the property. I cannot wait to watch our future home go up on this lot!

What an amazing view from the highway! :)

 New Santa jammies!!

 (these are backwards)

Dec 2nd on the left--Rudy built a tower with Muno and Plex!

Dec 1st o the right--we opened the Christmas tree box and Rudy was inside!!!

I never; I remember

I never got to hear you cry.

I never got to see your eyes.

Was it soft and sweet like you?

Were they green or were they blue?

 

I never got to change your clothes.

Dry your eyes or wipe your nose.

I dreamt of dressing you in gold and black

Would you have daddy's nose, cute and fat?

 

I never got to watch you play.

or take you to your cousin's to stay.

Would you like soccer, baseball or swimming?

I'm sure you would fight over who would be winning.

 

I will never teach you wrong from right.

I'll never get to break up a fight.

I picture you as an innocent child,

but guessing you would have been silly and wild.

 

I'll never be able to be the one

to one day show you all of the great things you've done.

No memories of first dates or your senior prom.

What memories I have to never be gone.

 

I DO remember the trip where you were conceived.

The day we found out, I just couldn't believe.

The excitement rushed over as I sat in the sun

We just could not wait to tell everyone.

 

I remember your kicks and how much you moved,

And the day we found out we would be buying all blue.

An important decision-your name we would ponder,

Finally we agreed, you'd be our sweet Connor.

 

I remember the clothes and the blankets galore.

Excited to buy diapers and wipes from the store.

Your clothes lined your closet, organized straight.

Your birth day was coming, we could hardly wait.

 

I remember the night--time for the big show.

The doctor, the nurses--we were ready to go.

My first go at labor, how bad would it be?

I didn't care, for it was you we all wanted to see.

 

I remember the moment when I first saw your face.

I wanted to hold you, but the doctor made us wait.

You were big and beautiful, with peach fuzz hair.

After awhile, I began to get scared.

 

I remember the doctor was working on you.

This couldn't be good, they called a code blue.

My mom and my husband, we sat and we prayed.

Don't leave me sweet Connor, I need you to stay.

 

I remember the funeral, the flowers, the cards.

Saying goodbye was just downright hard.

To heaven you went to spend eternity.

Everyday I wish you were still here with me.



Proud mama

 Mia's been attending religious education and she prays and talks a lot about Jesus, Heaven and Connor. She melts my heart.  Dane is the first to sit down at dinner and makes sure we say the prayer before we eat. Even though every sentence ends with, "poop butt, toot" (not his prayer, just his dinner conversation) he's still super sweet :)

Well Check!

 Mia and Dane went today for their 2 and 4 year well checks!! WHAT??  When did my babies get so big!

 

Mia Lynn

40 lbs

42 inches tall

85%ile for weight

90%ile for height!!

Dane Alexander

31 lbs

35.25 inches tall

85%ile for weight

77%ile for height!

 Waiting...waiting...waiting :)

 He's my "troublesome" kid.... left ear drum still has a hole in it and that darn tube is still stuck in his ear canal. Plus, he's cutting 2 molars which has caused some sleep disturbances at night. Other than that, he's great :)

 Better keep this to show them when they're 14 and 16....

Oh! And potty training? YES!Dane is potty trained/ing. Peeing in the potty--he does GREAT!!  Still working on this pooping stuff.....

Busy summer

So busy--we don't even have time to put on our clothes ;)

I have been enjoying these 2 beautiful blessings all summer. No grad school, no work (except 1 half day a week) and only plans to play and have fun.

2 weeks left until my new job begins.

I'm excited, nervous, sad.

Excited to begin a new journey. Nervous to be the "new person". And sad to not be with my kiddos everyday!

(they will kill me one day for this, but their little booties are too cute!)

MY little man

Is not so LITTLE, as you can see. He warms my heart and is such a lover on his mama. He frequently asks to play baseball!  Mia has been playing tball since April, and ever since she began Dane has been into it as well!!!

So we bought a tee and some tballs and the kids and I are out every day practicing.

Dane has gotten pretty good just in the short week we've been working on his mad tball skills!!!

This may just be his thing--he's left handed as well--so the coaches might be seeking him out ;) hehe

 

Watch out, you may see him in the major leagues someday (only kidding, a little) :-)

I love you

He's got my heart, 110%!

Many Faces

 Enjoying this weather. Sun and smiles :)

Tball, Selena Gomez, Lorax, Cheese

As I sit here updating my blog, I can hear Dane crying, "mommy, daddy!!!!" from his crib. He played me. BIG TIME. He used to go to bed like a champ. Awake. No fussing.

Then, he realized he knew a lot of words and started talking-A Lot.

He roped me in ONE night saying to me as I went to lie him down, "mama, rock." So, of course, we rocked. I soaked it up, he fell asleep, I snuggled. I Loved it.

Now, I've created a bedtime monster.

We are on minute 14 now, still sobbing. I'm holding strong. He's got 6 more minutes to CALM DOWN AND GO TO SLEEP! :):)

 

Anyway, back to the reason for this post.

 

TBALL

Mia began Tball this week (Monday). She really hasn't been in any activities that require COORDINATION. So, I was super proud when I was able to catch this on video! 

SELENA GOMEZ

Uncle Blaine and Aunt Jenn brought all of the big kids a crab home from Florida.

Mia named her crab Selena Gomez.

Daddy went and bought a new home and some fancy food/water dishes on Monday night.

She was dead by Wednesday.

Goodbye Selena Gomez. Rest in peace.

 LORAX

Mia received a fish from the Easter Bunny. This is not the original "Easter fish". Yep, you are following me....fish #1 died the day after Easter. Daddy went and bought a new fish on Monday before we got home. No harm, right?

Lorax is still holding up and Mia loves him.

 CHEESE

Literally. Dane brought me this pretend piece of cheese. Mia grabbed my camera off of the table and said cheese mommy and Dane!

Pretty funny :)

Dane's videos

 His speech and language skills have blossomed SO much the past 2 months. He does have a pretty good teacher--his big sister, Mia!

Unfortunately, there's no way around him playing barbies. But when he plays barbies, he can at least play with the rough and tough "Mike" barbie :)

 

Happy Burger. PEOPLE. Barney. I dunno. Lots of jibber jabber. Pad. I want iPad. 

Dane Alexander, you've stolen your mama's heart.

Lazy day

 We realllllly want spring (or just warm weather in general) to get here so we can go OUTSIDE! While we wait for daddy to get home we are just spending our Sunday afternoon coloring and enjoying one another.

 

The kids have been soooo good for mommy while daddy has been away! (for the most part!) :)

 

He has to do AND say everything his big sister does and says.

 "Mama, color, broke." Yep, buddy, these aren't trucks you crash. We've gotta be EASY!

 

 So far, from what I have "quizzed" him on, he knows green, yellow and pink!

Without these 2, there would be no reason to get up everyday.

Mama loves you two more than you will EVER know. <3 p="">

Mothers of Baby Angels

My friend, Robin Huffman, and I are starting up a bereavement group for mother's who have lost a baby. Our first meeting is next week. If you or a friend would like to attend, please pass along the following information:

Mothers of Baby Angels We would like to share with you a new support group that will begin in March 2013. This support group will reach out to mothers who have lost their babies. This support group will be open to all mothers who have experienced the death of a baby from any cause. Our hope is to reach out to seasoned grievers as well as the newly bereaved. By meeting once a month, group members will be free to talk about their children who have died; the emotions they are going through; the painful, tho...ughtless comments that may have been made to them; discussing their feelings of sadness, guilt, or anger—subjects no one else wants to hear them talk about. We will also discuss the progress they are making and ways of coping that have been helpful to them. This group will honor all religious and non-religious affiliations. Meetings will be held in a church facility. Oftentimes, mothers feel they are coping effectively with their loss, as well as those discouraged by a lack of progress. We understand that there are no instant solutions, no easy answers, and no timetable for grieving. There is comfort in the sense of direction found through knowledge and understanding of the grief experience. Bereaved mothers are able to find hope, healing, and the will to survive. We hope to help each other through those milestone dates, those hard to handle holidays and even those “I can’t get out of bed” kind of days. Our first meeting will be all about meeting you and your baby(ies). Please feel free to bring pictures, ultrasound photos, and /or a favorite piece of memorabilia. We hope that you find a sense of peace in talking about your child, like we do. If you have any questions please contact Robin Huffman (574-721-3367) or Mandy Hall (765-532-0808) RSVP’s are welcome, but not needed First Meeting: MOB Squad Meeting: March 19, 2013 at 7:00 pm Lifegate Church, 831 Burlington Ave., Logansport, IN 46947 To the World You’re Just One Person, but to One Person You’re the World!

Down

 With the nasty flu :(

 

Sunday, Monday, Tuesday.....

After bath Monday night--snuggling on mama. Breaks my heart. She asked me, mom...how did I get so sick??

 Monday night was scary. She was sleeping in bed with Jeremy and I was out on the couch. Jeremy came and got me around 1:30 to tell me Mia's heart was racing, she was delirious and her legs and arms were shaking. After a call to the (RUDE) pediatrician on call, I knew that she would be ok after a dose of ibuprofen and a popsicle. I had to make sure her heartrate wasn't over 200, so I sat in bed and kept an eye on it till around 3 a.m.

She is doing MUCH better today (Tuesday). Keeping down liquids and food! Just really sleepy!

One more day home with her daddy and *hoping* she will be good to go back and see all of her friends on Thursday!

 

Off to bed--I'm one tired mama.

Tradition

I have a friend. She had a baby (Parker). Her baby died. I had a baby (Connor). He died. We met online. (weird, right?) We became instant friends; Like we had known each other for a very long time. Her daughter's cause of death--Vasa Previa. Same as Connor's.

2 moms. 2 babies. 2 stories(2 very similar stories). 1 pair of shoes--a pair we share together. Shoes we can't ever separate. Shoes we can't ever take off. We can't ever give away. We wear them forever. She wears one shoe, I wear the other. Together we are a pair.

She's my one friend who knows exactly how I feel. I love her dearly.

Every March we get together with our babies we had after our losses.

We have made it a tradition to have St. Patty's day pics taken. Why? I'm not exactly sure. We did it one year; it was unique. We just unspokenly know that in March we set a date and get their pictures done.

 

Here they are through the years.

These 2 seriously can't get any cuter together.

"You sham-rock my world."  -ds

Break

 I took a little break from blogging!! Why?  Well 1) I changed my blog layout and couldn't figure out how to make a new post and 2) I've been relaxing and enjoying my family in the evenings. Not having to be on the computer for grad school has been awesome. I rarely open my computer in the evenings!!  I seriously didn't realize HOW BUSY I was every night until I finished school and realized what a relaxing evening was!!!

 

The new job is going GREAT!!!!  I do miss all of my old friends/coworkers/kids at my other schools, but this has been a good change and I have leared sooooo much about children with autism and with special needs. They don't teach you EVERYTHING you need to know in grad school, so this has been a great research/learning opportunity for me!

 

Mia and Dane are doing awesome. Mia is 3 1/2 now--she is over halfway through her Beka Book Series reading book and is reading at about 1st grade level. I knew kids picked up on things quickly, but my oh my--this girl is a sponge!!!  Dane is 20 months. He has really developed a personality. He's quick to throw something at you or pull Mia's hair, but he's just as quick to say he's SAWEEEE! He knows to say please and thank you when he wants/receives something and he is also obsessed with CHAAAAAP! (chapstick)--must take after his AUNT HALEY!! :)

 

They are pretty loving siblings

obviously--look at them...

But they can also get into a pretty good fight :)

Captured this photo on my way to work last week.

Jeremy has a tattoo in memory of Connor on his arm--I think this looks a LOT like his tattoo.

Our sweet boy would be turning 5 in 31 days. I cannot even believe it's been almost 5 years. I never would have imagined I would be where I am today, either. Amazing how one sweet, innocent little baby boy could change your life forever.

 

Oh yah--and I fractured my arm near my elbow. How, you ask? Oh you know, running.

Only me....

A new start

Today started out pretty crummy..... I received my last paycheck from the school corporation. That's it. The end. My nearly 8 year run with LCSC has come to an end. Everything was supposed to work out so perfectly....I had a job lined up right after I finished my master's degree--at a school where I have worked previously. I knew the staff, the kids, the building. It was comfortable. It was safe.

 

Then a promise to me and my future salaray hadn't been kept. I could either stay with the corporation and take a large paycut for all of my hard work or I could resign and find a new job and recive a salary I deserved. 12/31/12 I quit my comfortable job.  It was scary. Unsure of what the future held.

 

2 weeks passed. I put my application in with 3 different contract agencies. I had multiple emails and calls within days. Still uncertain of where I would be and what I would be doing.

 

Until yesterday.

I had a job interview with Kokomo Center Schools. After a 2 hour interview and a tour of the elementary school, I knew that this was going to be a really awesome place to work--that is, if I was offered the job. By late afternoon my recruiter called me and told me that I nailed my interview and that I had an informal offer. As of today, I officially have a job!!

I'm nervous, scared, excited and feel blessed.

 

I begin this new journey next week!

Catch Up

 Wow. It's unbelievable--Christmas has come and gone just like that!!!

 

So much has happend. Where to begin?

I finished graduate school and am waiting on my diploma to arrive in the mail!!! 3 1/2 years and 2 kids later I finally did it! I look back now and think how in the world did I manage to get it done?! I actually have time for myself in the evenings when the kids go to bed! And I feel (well felt) a lot less stressed! --see next note

I resigned at LCSC as a Speech Therapy Assistant. I'm currently unemployed, frantically searching for a full time position as a Speech Therapist!!! 

I have an interview with Kokomo Center Schools tomorrow and I'm very excited to learn about the position!!

 

We had the Deeter Christmas, Tanguy Christmas, Christmas with my parents, Our own family Christmas, Christmas dinner with Jeremy's dad's family, Christmas with Jeremy's parents, and Christmas with Jeremy's mom's family. Luckily, they were all spread out across multiple weekends in December!!

 

The Hall's Christmas 2012

 

 

Mia and Dane Christmas Morning 2012

 

Gift from my parents--Dane's mother's ring to complete my stack.

 

Rudy (And crew--Jingles and Manti) managed to make a stop to Mimi and Papaw's house Christmas eve and brought all of the kiddos new jammies!

Many great things happened in 2012.

I feel like our lives are starting again with this new chapter in my life being done with school and finding a new job. It's so difficult thinking I'm not going back to the same job I've been doing the past 8 years!!

Sit back and buckle up, 2013 may be a wild ride for me! AHHH :) (I don't deal well with change!)